I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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