I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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