i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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