her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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