i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
