fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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