He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize