I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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