So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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