well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
