Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
