I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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