oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize