"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
