Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
