i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and she was petting her beer can
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
