I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize