I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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