what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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