I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize