it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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