If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
