Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
