just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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