Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
not ubering you a puppy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
