I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
