in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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