I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dear god my vagina.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize