It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
