At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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