I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
