Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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