All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
