I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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