Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
