I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
