So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
