I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A bitchslap is in order.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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