you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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