So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
