I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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