it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
