If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
