Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
