make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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