I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
