we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
