Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
