i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize