My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
