I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
