it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize