I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
