Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
