Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
