Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
