mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
