I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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