She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
