We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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