after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's always time for handjobs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
